3. A week before thyroid surgery, and I felt myself up...

So it's seven days till my thyroidectomy, and I am self-taping for an audition, and I am carefully assembling my costume. (You start to realize as an actor and fitness professional that your wardrobe falls into two categories: Lycra Spandex and Audition stuff.)  

For this particular role, I am going for a sort of "gypsy" vibe, so I cobble together a lace up vest, that has a "Pirates of The Caribbean" bar wench feel. That with a lot of necklaces, and we'll see what we got.

I'm partial to the braids, myself . Though the effects of the pushup bra may have been better with better posture...

I'm partial to the braids, myself . Though the effects of the pushup bra may have been better with better posture...

 I "Erin Brockovitch" my boobs (pushup bra with "chicken cutlets") and while I'm wrestling to get them into place, I feel it. 

It's like a marble, or a jelly bean, but it is undeniably a lump. 

"Collin, feel this" I say. He smirks. I roll my eyes.

 "No, not in a sexy way".  I grab his fingers and move it to the place (wow this is starting to read like the beginning of "Fifty Shades of Tumor"). 

"Do you feel that ?!" 

"Yeah", he says "that doesn't feel right." (I mean after 10 years together, he should know.)

"You should call the doctor. I'm sure its nothing," He assures me. 

"Dammit! Why couldn't I have found this LAST week, when I was already in for all those pre-op thyroid tests."

I am nothing if not practical.

But I'm pretty damn certain that it is NOT nothing.

 

4. Always try to find a Doctor who HEARS you...

4. Always try to find a Doctor who HEARS you...

2. Don't GOOGLE your condition, just DON'T!

2. Don't GOOGLE your condition, just DON'T!