8. Needle biopsies, or when someone treats your tit like a punching bag, just FYI.

8. Needle biopsies, or when someone treats your tit like a punching bag, just FYI.

What do I say?

It's a GIANT needle, they stick it in your boob,  it clips tissue and puts a marker where it stabbed. I know,  right?  Totally something EVERYONE is lining up to do!! 

To be fair, there is a good amount of local anesthetic so the giant needle doesn't feel like much... until the fourth or fifth stabbing.

And just when you think you're out, here's where they get you:  a post biopsy MAMMOGRAM!

Yes! Just when a needle has been poking around in your boob and the anesthetic is beginning to wear off, a brusque Eastern European X-ray tech crushes it between those plates of plexiglass, while yelling at you for moving, which frankly, is a pretty natural reaction. 

It sucks. But not quite as much when two days later when you wake up and it looks like your breast has gone ten rounds with Oscar DeLaHoya. And not in a sexy way.

That. Sucks. 

9. The Friday my life became a "Grey's Anatomy" episode...

9. The Friday my life became a "Grey's Anatomy" episode...

7.  Having a mammogram four days after surgery is less fun than you think, just saying...

7. Having a mammogram four days after surgery is less fun than you think, just saying...